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Relax Your Toes….

September 23, 2009

Last night I attended a training session on Managing Stress.  This counted as part of my continuing education requirement for foster parenting.  And I have to give the guy credit, it was actually a very good presentation – much better than I expected.

Our instructor appeared to have come straight from Central Casting.  Very earnest, thin, long hair, doesn’t own a TV, practices yoga , and (of course) he’s a vegan.   He was missing the holier-than-thou-I’m-saving-the-planet-because-I’m-so-enlightened vibe that often accompanies that stereotype, so I was jazzed about that.  We spent a lot of time discussing ways to support our body, mind and spirit.  The phrase “Be Present” was a constant motif. 

When did “pay attention” morph into “be present”?  Is it another red / blue thing?  Did those wacky Californians come up with it?  Is it New Age?  Can I “be present” with some crystals and patchouli incense? 

I’ve been entertaining myself with that phrase ever since.

Please don’t bother me.  I need to be present with this here episode of Toddlers and Tiaras.

Bosslady, I know I have a lot on my plate, but I need to be present with this Twinkie before I can attend to any of that.

Dude…..dude… can you hear me?  Dude, I think you’ve been a little too present with that Red Bull and vodka.

Listen little miss, you better straighten up and fly right or you’ll be present with this paddle!*

I’m fixin to be present with my Skoal right now.  Then we can discuss your exploding radiator.

Moving on…

At the end of the evening Vegan Guy leads us through a guided relaxation exercise.  Suddenly I had a flashback to first grade.  This was before anyone was labeled ADD or ADHD.  We were called hyper and I got stuck with that label.  Personally, I think I was just bored.

Anyhoo, once a week, I got sent to the gym for a special relaxation class.  It was humiliating.  The only kids who had to go were me and Weird Brian who did all kinds of kooky stuff.  I don’t remember any of those kooky things now.  I probably blocked them out because of the trauma.

In relaxation class we had to lie on our backs on a mat and close our eyes.  This is where it gets kind of funny in retrospect.  I was a stomach sleeper.  In fact, I have never been able to successfully sleep on my back (and I still can’t).  Lying on my back as a kid, I had a very strong sensation that my eyeballs were falling through my skull!  It was totally uncomfortable.  Which I’m sure made me even more fidgety than I already was!  Can you just imagine the staff in that room?

“Man, look at that poor little first grader.  What’s her name, Juice?  She just can NOT hold it together.  Bless her little heart.  We probably need to schedule her for some extra sessions.”

Extra sessions for my eyeballs to fall through my skull.  Nice.

Let’s just say that I was unable to be present with that last relaxation exercise.

Cecilia Blogs

Feeder, you need to put that red thing down and go be present with my kibble.

*Please note, these are for entertainment purposes only.  I never use a paddle on children.  Duct tape, yes.  Paddle, no.**

**Just kidding DSS!  I promise!

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. September 23, 2009 10:28 pm

    Hey, I think we have the same computer…at least mine’s red, too.

    Also, I was the hyper kid. My first grade teacher wrote on my report card, “Pendy has learned to walk.” No, I was not immobile…I ran everywhere and she was so proud that she had ‘beat’ that out of me! :0 I remember hating nap time in kindergarten.

    Another useful phrase – give leadership of. There was a principal and if he didn’t want to do something and was going to make you do it, he would “Give you leadership of …….whatever it was.”

  2. debby permalink
    September 24, 2009 7:52 am

    Ha ha on Cecelia’s comment. Sophie does the ADHD version of trying to tell me to be present with her kibble–run in a circle, stopping i the kitchen (click click click on the kitchen floor, short pause to stare at the counter with the kibble, click click click click) race to complete the circle and stare at me. Repeat.

    Love your red computer!!

  3. September 24, 2009 9:24 am

    That was hysterical! I was the “spacey” kid. My 1st grade teacher would send my class work home with me as home work. I must have been the only first grader to have 3 hrs of homework every night lol

  4. September 24, 2009 9:35 pm

    we, like, soooo do not use ‘be present’ here.
    like, what does that mean anyway?
    *hair flick*
    what-ever…

    ** use valley-girl voice (i.e. clueless – the movie)

    i’ve lived in northern california all my life and have never heard of ‘be present’… maybe it’s a los angeles thing…

  5. September 25, 2009 2:06 pm

    i use to be (thank goodness that’s “use to be”) married to a weirdo that was never “fully present” so yes, i do understand what that means all to well…. pretty sure his stemmed from all the years he spent smoking pot & eating lays by the bag full… don’t worry ladies, he found another victim so he’s off the market!
    haha- baby dinosaur, love it!
    ~m

  6. September 25, 2009 2:07 pm

    oh yeah… foster parenting… do tell! or if you did & i missed it while the computer died, let me know where to look! my daughter is adopted so i’m all about it 🙂
    ~m

  7. September 25, 2009 11:23 pm

    Okay, I’m totally ticked – why has my Google Reader not been showing your posts????

    Anyway…haha on the ‘be present’ thing. “Whaddya mean be present? I’m here, aren’t I???”

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