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20 Items Or Less

September 16, 2010

1.  Yesterday I was in the Walmart (I know.  I live there.).  I was standing in the 20 item or less line.  Two guys came up behind me and started making comments about the number of items.  I turned and noticed that each guy had just a couple of items in his hands.  Immediately the paranoia kicks in… I hadn’t actually counted the number of items in my basket!  You can imagine my relief when the receipt rang up 15 items.  I may or may not have turned to the guys behind me and said “15!”

2.  That being said, Walmart really ought to have a few 10 or even 5 items or less aisles.  I think people would be happier.

3. Speaking of things I love about Baltimore, Chloe and I enjoyed the Crosby Stills and Nash concert last night.  Pier 5 was full of people, boats, dogs and even a white cat all enjoying the concert for free. 

4. I’m wearing my cute sassy shoes that Mom bought me in Florida.  You know how sometimes you see someone wearing high heels and you think to yourself, “Hmm,  perhaps that woman needs a little more practice wearing high heels.”  I’m sad to report that that woman is now me.  Not because I need more practice wearing heels, but because the hip injury I sustained while getting my groove on at the wedding leaves me a little lurchy in the heels.  It’s hard to be sassy with a trick hip, yo.

5. Today in the Walmart (I know!  Don’t judge.) this man told me that I need to smile because that’s what turns on my aura.  I should have told him the glare from my aura was making it difficult to read the packaging on those new double-stuf oreo cakesters.

6. Speaking of auras, one time a much older guy tried to pick up 18-year-old-Juice at a New Year’s Eve party by describing my amazing aura to me.  By much older I mean probably younger than I am now, but everything is relative.  Anyway, aura-guy thoroughly skeeved me out, so much so that I made my friends leave the party early.  That did not dissuade aura-guy who later showed up at the Kroger where I worked with a bouquet of flowers and a mix tape of his original music.  Said original music may or may not have included some disturbing sexual references that were entirely offensive to my 18 year old self.  I reported him to store security and they made him leave.

7.  In another boy-was-Blacksburg-a wacky-place-to-live, have I ever mentioned the flasher who would come and sit at the Baskin Robbins where I worked?  He positioned himself so that there was no way that I could leave the store without walking right by him.  And of course I was in there by myself.  Terrifying to 16-year-old Juice.  But let me tell you, 38 year old Juice would light into him like nobody’s business.  Bring it on, jerk.

8. I just booked another trip to Reno because I’m having Tank and Cricket withdrawal.  Stay tuned for more shots like this:

Or maybe KK and I will get into slaphappy mode and you’ll get some more pics like this:

still comedy gold

9.  Don’t stress, but it’s 3 months and 9 days until Christmas.  Remember my New Year Resolution?  The one about finally typing up all of my Christmas card addresses into a Word file?  Um, yeah.  I started it once, got frustrated and put it away.  Now is the time to brush that puppy off and get crackalackin’.  Guess I’ll have some typing homework for the next few nights. 

10.  Speaking of puppies, Chloe ate too many acorns the other day and got sick in the night.  I can tell it was the acorns that bothered her, because that’s what came back up.  TMI, I’m sorry.  I’m still perplexed as to why she is eating acorns to begin with, but now we are in active acorn-avoidance mode.

11.  Chloe told me she is thrilled that so many people want to keep her warm.  Pubsgal is knitting a sweater, my mom is making a fleece wrap and I just picked up some fleece from the remnant bin at Joann’s.  If you feel so inclined, you too can make a sweater / wrap / coat for Chloe.  She’s an equal opportunity snuggler.

Little dogses need warm clotheses!

12.  I have recently been blessed with an entire deer.  That’s a lot of venison!  Anyone have some fabulous venison roast recipes to share?  Bonus points if it’s super easy.  Extra credit for crock pot recipes.

13.  I read this post and immmediately sat down and wrote to my Compassion Child.  I hope he enjoys the postcard of the White House that I included for him.

That’s it.  Twenty items or less.  What’s in your shopping cart?

6 Comments leave one →
  1. September 16, 2010 1:52 pm

    Ah, Sweets, I’m married to Daniel Boone, so I’ve ALWAYS got venison in the freezer! Do you have ground or steaks? I’ve got tons of recipes for both.
    Here’s my roast recipe:
    1)Thaw roast (very important)
    2)slice some onions and layer in bottom of crock pot
    3)place roast on top of onions
    4)Sprinkle with Lipton’s Onion Soup Mix
    5)add some water or broth
    6)cover and cook on high 4-6 hours or low 8-10 hours

    Now you can either slice the roast and eat with potatoes or you can shred the roast, put it in a pan with a bunch of bbq sauce and make bbq sandwiches with it.

    Honestly, I use venison roast the same way as I would a beef roast. I make stew, tacos, chili, whatever with venison. I rarely buy beef at the store anymore.

    Let me know if there’s anything you want to know! 🙂

    • Juice permalink*
      September 16, 2010 2:08 pm

      I have ground, steaks, chops, sliced backstrap, ground, etc. You name it, I have it. So send those recipes. 🙂

      Thanks for the roast recipe – I’ll have to try this one soon!

  2. debby permalink
    September 16, 2010 4:46 pm

    1. Oh, and here’s something I thought of when I first read your title and the words WalMart. Yes, I thought, I should limit myself to 20 items or less when I go to walmart.

    4. It’s hard to be sassy with a trick hip, yo. THAT is too funny.

    5,6,7. Yuck, yuck, and triple yuck. What’s with the flashers and ice cream stores? Don’t they know its cold in there? There was one that did that to one of my nieces when she worked in the ice cream store.

    9. Christmas. Tee hee. I solved my lack of Christmas gift-giving cheer by going to Africa–leave the 26th of Dec.

    10. Dunno, but Noah was obsessing on an acorn today. Ruh roh. That’s a lot of acorn vomit. Must keep away.

    13. OMGosh Juice! Lame sponsors of the world unite–I needed to read that. Where do you find these links?

  3. September 17, 2010 10:42 am

    Zoe and Phoebe love to eat acorns! With 15 live oak trees in my back yard, there are a LOT of acrons. Zoe eats the most, but has never gotten sick. I don’t know why. I would, if I ate that many! I don’t know why they do it, they don’t look like they taste good at all!

    Loved all your other items.


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